The Garden Loo

If thee as lived as long as I, I bet thee used to 'ave A toilet up the garden - a murky outside lav

With cobwebs on the ceiling and 'anging by a cord

Some squares and sheets of paper thou couldst read if thee got bored. And if thy folks was lucky, thic loo was just for thee

While some a'tother families 'ad ta share wi' two or three. And this was mighty ockered if they was taken short And hurried up to find thic loo locked up just like a fort. They hammered on thic 'ooden door and begged to get inside

But all they heard was some bloke's voice, "Go wum, tis occupied". Now how they managed atter that, thee disn't wanta know,

But I can tell thee straight that they was nowhere near a po!

Now some a these eer toilets were made with double seat And if thee 'ad a friendly pal, 'twas just the place to meet, For on a summer's evening thou could sit there with thee mate And talk about the weather or simply contemplate.

But when them winter snows came down, they filled us all with dread 'Cos if thy chamber pot was full, thee 'ad to leave thee bed.

Then hurtling down them 'ooden stairs, thee trod on moggy's tail Thic cat fair woke the neighbourhood wi' such a strangled wail. Then fumbling in the darkness, thee found a coat and shoes And slithered up thic garden path to find a loo to use.

And when thou's come back wum again with vit like blocks of ice And freezing fair to catch thee death, thou's thought it would be nice To do away with garden loos and try instead to 'ave

A warm and cosy toilet - a modern, inside lav.

Marion Boey